At some point in just about every baby shower, the mother-to-be opens her gifts as the attendees ooh and aah over adorable outfits, the latest innovations in baby gear, and preciously impractical baby shoes.
There are diaper cakes, and Costco-size boxes of diapers and wipes; those who have already had babies remark that even all of those diapers will last just a few weeks.
There are generously-loaded gift cards, and practical items like nipple cream and wash cloths. Occasionally there is a present for the pregnant person as well, like a gift certificate for a pedicure or a prenatal massage.
What isn’t gifted very often, however, is what very well may be needed the most: support. Not hugs and encouragement, although these things are wonderful to give. The support I’m referring to is the in-the-trenches, middle-of-the-night, time-intensive, utilitarian, hands-on support that anyone needs when going through a major life transition.
Often a family member or friend can do a couple of these things once or twice. Sometimes these needs can be met consistently by one person. But all too often, new parents are left on their own to figure it all out. What if they didn’t have to?
What if in addition to the dozens of outfits the baby may wear just once, each person attending the baby shower committed to bring a home-cooked meal to cover the first month after the birth? Or to go grocery shopping once a week? Or what if they each contributed toward a postpartum doula fund?
What if someone who was able to contribute a larger amount purchased a couple night’s worth of sleep in addition to the fancy new stroller?
Or what if a few friends pitched in to cover a portion of birth doula costs, so the expecting couple are able to labor and birth their baby feeling supported, emotionally safe, and confident? Perhaps then the sleepless nights and disorganized house wouldn’t feel so overwhelming?
That in-the-trenches support that is so needed, and that a doula is trained to provide, cannot be wrapped in beautiful paper. It can’t be seen, or always understood, even by the expecting couple themselves. But it can be felt, and it is always needed.
Whether it’s given by a professional like a birth or postpartum doula, or a family member or friend with the heart of a doula, the support that keeps new parents fed, rested, and feeling secure is always needed, as long as it’s given in a way that respects their autonomy and preferences.
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Many of us did not have this kind of support when we had our babies. And we survived, right? Well, some of us barely did. Some of us had a really, really, hard time.
And is surviving the standard for new parents who are nurturing and growing a tiny human being? Shouldn’t those we love who are in that position thrive in their new role instead of just survive?
Expecting parents: Ask for the boring gift of support. Be specific in what you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Gift givers: Go ahead and buy the newborn tutu. But also be boring. Get in the trenches, and if you cannot, give the gift of someone who can, like a doula.
I am a certified labor (birth) doula and professional postpartum doula serving Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley.
Did you know that you can add Elevated Birth doula services to your baby registry?
We now offer gift certificates in any denomination ($50 minimum order).
Visualization is a proven tool commonly used by professional athletes, corporate leaders, speakers, and marathon runners that is free, effective, and powerful. It can also be used by anyone birthing a baby, in any setting, in any position, for any type of birth. It's one form of childbirth preparation you can do just about anywhere.
Visualizing a specific action has been shown to activate nervous system responses that are similar to actually performing that action, impacting your heart rate, blood pressure, and hormones. Visualization can help you stay calm and focused in a challenging situation; it can reduce physical symptoms of stress and anxiety and promote feelings of relaxation.
Consider this tool a “mental rehearsal” for your birth. You can visualize the entire process, from imagining yourself feeling the earliest labor signs, to arriving at your birth place, to pushing out your baby and bringing her to your chest. Or, you can focus on just one thing, like your cervix opening up or your baby descending.
Whatever you choose to visualize, keep the following tips in mind:
Practice throughout your pregnancy. You won’t get the benefits of visualization from trying it out once or twice. Make the time to practice your visualization often throughout your pregnancy, so when you are actually in labor, it is familiar to you and easy to go back to when you need it.
Get creative. Some people find it helpful to imagine their actual uterus pushing baby down with each contraction, or to imagine their baby’s head pressing against their actual cervix, thin and ripe.
Others prefer to imagine something more abstract or metaphorical, like a flower opening, or waves crashing. Some may find an image of themselves passing through a barrier representative of “moving through” contractions, and in turn they become an active participant in their labor rather than a passive onlooker. And some choose to visualize something completely unrelated, like their favorite vacation spot, or some other peaceful location.
Personalize your visualization so that it works for you.
Break it down into steps. Whatever you choose to visualize, break it down into small steps. For instance, if imagining a flower opening, you might visualize each petal of the flower slowly unfolding until you can see the center. If imagining ocean waves, visualize the wave building far from shore, gathering momentum until it crests and then falls against the rocks; see the ocean spray, the bubbling foam, maybe even sand crabs scurrying around as the water is pulled back into the sea.
If your visualization can be broken down so it lasts roughly 60-90 seconds— the approximate length of a labor contraction— you will find yourself with a tool you can use to manage each surge.
Write it down. Write down the steps of your visualization to help break it down, and to get a clearer picture in your mind’s eye of what you will “see.” Pay attention to detail; incorporate your other senses, imagining what you might smell or hear if you were actually at the ocean, or in a field, or even in your place of birth.
Incorporate affirmations. Think about how you want to feel as you visualize, and tie this into any birth affirmations you may utilize in labor. You might think of your affirmation, or even speak it aloud, as you work through your visualizations.
As author and speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer says about the power of affirmations,“I use the inner mantra I am, seeing myself as already having arrived at what I’ve placed in my mind.”
During your labor, you might think or say aloud, “I am strong,” “I am open,” “I am calm,” or any number of phrases, while you are actively using your visualization.
You can use visualizations to distract yourself from any pain or discomfort you may experience, even outside of labor. Afraid of needles and about to have blood drawn? Consenting to a cervical check or having your membranes swept? In the OR having your baby by Cesearean? Having an IUD placed?
Go to your visualization to distract your mind from your physical discomfort, and bring you back to a more peaceful state.
I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley.
As a doula, I can remind my clients of their visualizations and affirmations and help them have a supportive, positive birth experience.
Baby, it’s HOT outside! It’s about that time of year that people are over summer, and are looking forward to sweaters and pumpkins and changing leaves. With today’s high of 108 degrees, I know I am!
This heat might feel worse to you if you are pregnant. You are carrying more weight than you normally do, your feet might be swollen, and you just can’t get comfortable at night. If you are early in your pregnancy, the heat can exacerbate the drowsiness that dominates your first trimester.
So here are some tips to surviving this heat, my pregnant friends!
1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! With baby pressing on your bladder, you may feel like you are always in the restroom, but that is no reason to hold off on drinking water. Staying well hydrated is important to prevent complications like low amniotic fluid, birth defects, and premature labor. Constipation, a common pregnancy woe, can worsen if you don’t stay hydrated. Eating foods with high water content, like watermelon, cucumber, lettuce, celery, radishes, bell peppers, and grapefruit can be helpful as temperatures rise. You can also avoid foods with caffeine, which acts as a diuretic and removes water from the body.
2. Enjoy the A/C. When temperatures soar, avoid strenuous exercise, which increases your body temperature and makes you sweat out water. Instead, put your feet up and enjoy the air conditioning. Before long you’ll be on your baby’s schedule, so when it's this hot outside, exercise your ability to relax!
3. Embrace the positives. If you’ve read my blog posts, you know that I’m a fan of “flipping the script.” What is a positive way of viewing a difficult or seemingly negative situation?
Try to get on board with this positive thinking about having a baby in the summertime:
Stay cool, everyone!
I am a certified labor (birth) doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the Greater Treasure Valley.
Whether you are due this summer or winter, it's not too late to hire your doula!
I've worked in the forest, in the lab, and in an office cubicle. My favorite and most passionate work has been alongside clients as they reach inside to find their innermost strength, and give birth to their babies. Each birth is an honor to witness.