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Your Baby Needs This, Too

2/14/2019

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doula in Boise Id
Photo Credit: Katie Emslie via Unsplash
It goes without saying that having a baby changes your life. And it’s hard. From the nausea that sets in in early pregnancy, to the aches and pains and insomnia in the last trimester, the toll on your body is great.

Add in waking up every few hours to feed your newborn, healing from birth, learning to breastfeed, and a number of postpartum challenges, and you may wonder why we choose to go through any of it.

Until you hold you baby close and sniff their soft, sweet head. Or catch those fleeting dream smiles. Or get that first taste of back-and-forth interaction with your baby.

The hard stuff is the price we pay for experiencing the overwhelming love and joy of being a parent.

In recent years, society has acknowledged the challenges of motherhood. We see photos of celebrities in those ugly-wonderful mesh panties they give you postpartum. We support breastfeeding in public and also understand that breastfeeding isn’t always easy, or preferred, or for everyone. We accept that it’s okay to feel “touched-out.” We are learning to embrace our postpartum bodies. We talk more openly about postpartum depression and anxiety.
postpartum depression boise
Photo Credit: Janko Ferlic via Unsplash
This is all good, and necessary. We acknowledge that parenthood, and especially motherhood, involves some sacrifice, physical discomfort, and lack of sleep. This camaraderie gives us permission to release the unrealistic ideal that parenthood should be easy, or pretty, or that we’re the only ones who find it hard.

It’s hard but we do it because that’s what the baby needs. The baby needs to grow, stretching out the uterus, and compressing our other organs up into the ribcage. The baby needs us to respond to his cries for hunger several times at night so he can eat and thrive. The baby needs to be born so we labor, and push our bodies to their limits, or undergo major surgery to bring the baby into the terrestrial world.

There are things we want to give our kids, like toys, and activities, and quality childcare, and education— so we purchase less of what we might want to give the baby what he or she needs.


All of this giving is normal, and instinctual, and a part of being a parent. But there is a piece missing. 
​

There are other things the baby needs—and they are actually the things we need.
boise postpartum doula
Photo Credit: Alexandre Croussette via Unsplash
As mothers, we overwhelmingly put the needs of our family before our own. And while it comes from a place of love, and from us accepting the “hard stuff,” it isn’t necessarily necessary. Ignoring our own needs can backfire on us.

Denying what you need isn’t necessarily what your baby needs.

Your baby also needs:
  • A mother who isn’t physically suffering, whether that be during pregnancy or after the baby is born
  • A mother whose choices in birth are respected, even if others don’t understand or agree with them
  • A mother who is not afraid to voice her fears, sadness, or anxiety
  • A mother who gets time to heal
  • A mother who gets some time to herself
  • A mother who gets medical care when she needs it
  • A mother who gets mental health care when she needs it
  • A mother who gets social time
  • A mother whose needs are recognized and met

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Put on your own oxygen mask first.” This is derived from airline safety instructions; parents flying with kids are instructed in an emergency to put on their own oxygen masks before they put on their kids’ masks. Otherwise they might pass out before they can put on anyone’s mask, and then nobody wins. 

It’s easy to understand the importance of taking care of yourself first, but it can be hard to do. Or easy to point to something simple like getting your hair done occasionally and say that that’s enough. 

Daily self care is much more difficult. Asking for help can feel impossible to do. Budgeting to see a chiropractor in pregnancy, or a pelvic floor therapist after birth, or hiring a postpartum doula, or a babysitter so you can get some alone time, is completely off the radar for many.
boise obgyn
Photo Credit: Luis Quintero via Unsplash
But if there is a shift in thought, in both you and your partner, that what you need as a person, is what your baby also needs in a mother— then maybe self care will turn into a family need.

Your self care will be just as necessary as diapers, or a carseat, or daycare, or anything else the baby may need. And so it will be planned for and budgeted for.

Self care isn’t just okay, it’s necessary. Your care is necessary.

​Pregnancy and parenthood will always be hard, and exhausting, and challenging at times. But by prioritizing your own needs, you are preventing it from being even harder.

I am a certified labor (birth) doula and postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Meridian, Eagle, Nampa, and the Greater Treasure Valley.
Self-care can come in the form of a doula, whether that be
during your birth or after your baby is born.
About Birth Support
About Postpartum Support
elevated birth

Copyright 2019
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5 Tips to Handle the Holidays While Pregnant

11/19/2018

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Boise doulas
Modify your plans, minimize your stress
It’s the holiday season, and that means interaction with family members you may see just a few times a year. Even if you have wonderful relationships with your extended family, if you are pregnant around the holidays, conversations can get difficult when talk turns to your plans for birth. Everyone seems to have an opinion to share about what you should or shouldn't do, or they offer a prediction of how your birth will go. 

Here are five tips to navigate the holidays while pregnant:

1. Modify your holiday plans. Modify your plans, and minimize your stress. If you usually host a family gathering, ask someone else to host this year. Plan on bringing in prepared foods instead of cooking, or make the dinner a potluck event. 

Can you limit family time this year? Use your pregnancy to your advantage. Perhaps you stay for just a few hours at your sister’s house instead of the whole day. Or take a nap while everyone else is watching football. 

If you are nearing your estimated due date, your care provider may actually warn against you traveling more than a couple of hours from your home. That means you can avoid a prolonged visit with family altogether, if that is your preference.


2. Prepare for difficult conversations. Chances are, your family members are excited about the new addition to their own extended family. But instead of only sharing in your excitement, they may also feel the need to share their opinions.

Conversation will inevitably turn to your pregnancy, and will likely consist of three topics:
  • Questions about where and how you plan on giving birth 
  • Their opinion on your answers, and
  • Negative stories about their own births or those of people they know

If you are making choices for your birth that are different from those your family members have made for themselves, be prepared for push back. You might hear things like, “Just you wait! You have no idea!” or “You’ll change your mind!”

If your choices are vastly different, you may even hear things like “You are putting your baby’s life in danger!” or “You are being selfish.”


With pregnancy hormones at play, and if you yourself are still navigating your birth options, these conversations can get heated, emotional, and very difficult.

If you anticipate these conversations in advance, you can avoid feeling blindsided. You might tell your family before the event (or have your partner tell their family) that you don’t want to have these conversations at all. Or, you may choose to be more selective or vague in your answers to probing family members.
home birth boise
Expect difficult conversations about your pregnancy
3. Practice disengaging. Sometimes these difficult conversations can’t be avoided. Maybe your relatives already know your plans for birth and they are using this holiday gathering as one more instance to voice their disapproval.

In these situations, don’t try to defend your choices, or try to convince your family members to accept them. Instead, answer their questions or comments with a neutral phrase, like, “Hmmmmm” or “Huh!”

​
Or you can make them feel heard and say, “You know, that gives me something to think about.” 


Sometimes, you may feel the need to stop the conversation entirely. You can say, “Thank you for your concern. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Or redirect the conversation to another topic: “Okay. Hey, congrats on your promotion. How do you like your new job?”
pregnancy massage boise
Do whatever you can to relax during the holidays
4. Make time for self care. Taking care of yourself is always important, but especially so during the busy holiday season. Book a prenatal massage, take a long bath, make time to exercise, or plan a night out with your partner. Enjoy the time you have now that is all yours.

Whatever brings you relaxation and calm increases your oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is  the "love hormone" that plays a role in labor, attachment, bonding, and breastfeeding.  Taking deep breaths, centering your mind, and finding ways to relax amidst the tension around you is also excellent practice for managing labor. 


​
5. Create your own holiday traditions.
With a baby on the way, your life will be changing in just a few short weeks or months. Whether this is your first baby, or you are adding a sibling, take the time to reassess what you and your partner want for your growing family. What traditions will you adopt? What will you let go? What is important? What’s not?

These answers look different for everyone. They may not fit into what your extended family has chosen. But when you take the time to pause and think about what you want for your own family, the stress and furor that accompanies this time of year lessens-- which makes for a better holiday season, and a better pregnancy.
I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa and the greater Treasure Valley.
​This holiday season, ask for doula support! Elevated Birth gift certificates are available in any denomination and can easily be added to your baby registry.

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elevated birth

Copyright 2018
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Embrace the Parenting Season You're In

11/1/2018

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boise doulas
These gorgeous photos are courtesy of Natalie Koziuk Photography. Clients of Elevated Birth get discounts on sessions with Natalie! 
Find Out More

New Baby? Pregnant? Trying?
​What's Your Season?

back to work new baby boise
Fall is in full swing here in the Treasure Valley. The hardwood trees are showing off their splendent colors like a proud peacock, while the evergreens are happy to provide an understated contrast to their brilliance. The air is crisp in the morning, but often mild enough in the afternoon to encourage bathing in the warm light of the sun. 

This is the season for pumpkins, and jewel tones, and scarves and boots. It’s also the season of extending the time between shaving my legs a little (okay, a lot!), and sleeping in as long as possible in the mornings because it’s dark outside, and then without fail, rushing on our way to school.

The seasons are a time of transition, of moving from one state of being to another. The same is true of the seasons of our lives, especially when we have children. When we transition from not pregnant to pregnant, from pregnant to raising a newborn, through toddlerhood, teething, returning to work, deciding to stay home, our relationship without kids and then with kids—these seasons look different because they are different.

We make different choices; we approach life differently than we did last season. We are, in many ways, different people.

And despite what social media presents, or what your friends are doing, or what your critical inner voice is telling you, it’s okay to just embrace the season you are in. Here’s how:

1. Identify your season.
After I had my first child, I gave away all of my high heels. I decided I was going to quit my corporate job to stay home with him, and since my Friday nights now looked exactly the same as my Tuesday mornings— in yoga pants and flats— they were just taking up space in my closet. Purging a small section of my closet felt like a big step toward embracing my new life.

What season are you in? Are you getting out as much as possible before your baby arrives? Are you hunkered down at home with eternally sick toddlers? Are you freezing breastmilk for an upcoming return to work? Are you trying to get pregnant?

When you recognize where you are, you can then:

2. Accept both the joys and the limitations.
I miss breastfeeding. It surprises me to say it now, because my daughter never took a bottle and wanted to nurse all the time, until she was almost two years old. Dinnertime was the hardest, because she always wanted to be on my lap nursing and I could never seem to finish a hot meal.

In that season, eating my dinner without a child attached to me wasn’t possible. But being able to comfort her in a way only I could, was. In that season, my dream to pursue doula work wasn’t possible for our family. But now that my kids are older and don’t need me in that way, I’m able to help other families as they begin their early parenting journeys.


Each season has its joys and limitations, even if you aren’t always able to see them until you’re out of it. So,

It’s okay to let the dog hair accumulate on the floor because nursing a newborn takes forever, and a shower was more important than spotless floors.

It’s okay that all you did today was hold your baby. That was all you needed to do. Everything else really could wait.

It’s okay that your body looks different than it did before. It’s a different body, an amazing one, that grew and birthed a human! And in three months, one year, or three years, it will be a different body again because you will be in a different season.

boise doulas
Photo credit: Natalie Koziuk Photography
3. Say no to what doesn’t fit into this season.
When you say no to one thing, you are often saying yes to something else. And vice versa. Only you and your partner can determine what does and doesn’t fit into this season.
  • If you say no to hosting visitors, maybe you are saying yes to getting enough rest and sleep.
  • If you say yes to a messy house, maybe you are saying no to added stress and physical strain.
  • If you say no to allowing a particular person into your birth space, maybe you are saying yes to establishing healthy boundaries.
  • If you say yes to giving your baby a bottle, maybe you are saying no to neglecting your own mental or physical health.
  • If you say no to returning to work right away, maybe you are saying yes to establishing breastfeeding.
  • If you say yes to the expense of outside help, maybe you are saying yes to more time to take care of yourself.

And so on. Embracing your season means making choices that align with what you want and need from this time.


And when the next season begins to unfold, take a deep breath and open your eyes to the beauty to be found at any time. Even in the biting cold of winter there is warmth in the nuzzle of a baby's soft cheek. At any time, this amazing, exhausting, incredible world of parenting has so much to embrace.
I am a certified labor doula (birth doula) and professional postpartum doula serving Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the Greater Treasure Valley. What season are you in?
Do you need support for an upcoming birth, or help with your new baby?
Let's Talk!

​elevated birth
Copyright 2018
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How to Survive a Summer Pregnancy

8/10/2018

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Boise doula, pregnant in summer
Baby, it's HOT outside!
Baby, it’s HOT outside! It’s about that time of year that people are over summer, and are looking forward to sweaters and pumpkins and changing leaves. With today’s high of 108 degrees, I know I am!

This heat might feel worse to you if you are pregnant. You are carrying more weight than you normally do, your feet might be swollen, and you just can’t get comfortable at night. If you are early in your pregnancy, the heat can exacerbate the drowsiness that dominates your first trimester. 

So here are some tips to surviving this heat, my pregnant friends!

1. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! With baby pressing on your bladder, you may feel like you are always in the restroom, but that is no reason to hold off on drinking water. Staying well hydrated is important to prevent complications like low amniotic fluid, birth defects, and premature labor. Constipation, a common pregnancy woe, can worsen if you don’t stay hydrated. Eating foods with high water content, like watermelon, cucumber, lettuce, celery, radishes, bell peppers, and grapefruit can be helpful as temperatures rise. You can also avoid foods with caffeine, which acts as a diuretic and removes water from the body.

2. Enjoy the A/C. When temperatures soar, avoid strenuous exercise, which increases your body temperature and makes you sweat out water. Instead, put your feet up and enjoy the air conditioning. Before long you’ll be on your baby’s schedule, so when it's this hot outside, exercise your ability to relax!

3. Embrace the positives. If you’ve read my blog posts, you know that I’m a fan of “flipping the script.” What is a positive way of viewing a difficult or seemingly negative situation?

​Try to get on board with this positive thinking about having a baby in the summertime:
  • When you go into labor, you don’t have to worry about inclement weather. When heading to the hospital or birth center, you don’t have to wonder  about whether or not the streets have been plowed or if there is ice on the road. If you are birthing at home, you don't have to wonder if your midwife or doula will be able to get to your house.
  • By the time cold and flu season arrive, your baby will be several months old and will have some natural immunity built up. If you are breastfeeding, your baby gets the added bonus of immunity from your breastmilk.
  • By the time ski season is in full swing, you might feel ready to leave your baby for a few hours to hit the slopes.
  • When celebrating the holidays, you can have some wine at dinner, or some champagne on New Year’s Eve! 
  • When you plan your baby’s first birthday, you won't be limited to indoor venues. Although if next year is as hot as this year, it might be too hot for a party at the park . . . 

Stay cool, everyone!
Pregnant in summer Boise
Today's high in Boise
I am a certified labor (birth) doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the Greater Treasure Valley.
Whether you are due this summer or winter, it's not too late to hire your doula! 
Learn More
elevated birth
​Copyright 2018
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Oh, Baby, Where Art Thou?

6/6/2018

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Boise birth doula support
What to do when you're "overdue"
I’m a big planner. When my husband and I went to Europe years ago, before we had kids, I researched for weeks to find the perfect hotels and activities within our budget, the trains that would take us from town to town, and how much money we would need for food per city, per meal, all laid out in a tidy spreadsheet that automatically adjusted based on that day’s exchange rate. 

Fast forward a few years later when we were expecting our first child: I knew that the baby could come as early as 37 weeks, and still be considered “at term,” and so I was prepared for his arrival at 37 weeks. All the baby gear was purchased, the newborn clothes were washed, the diaper changing station was stocked. Months before, we had taken all the classes— childbirth education, breastfeeding education, new parent preparation, and we had our doula booked. I was ready to have this baby.

Over a month later, I was still pregnant. What I was NOT ready for, was the waiting.


After a positive pregnancy test, one of the first things we learn is our estimated due date. One of the things we tend to ignore is the estimated part.

Due dates are not an exact science. The website Evidenced Based Birth gives a whole explanation of how due dates came to be, but in a nutshell, determining your estimated due date based on the first day of your last menstrual period was a technique created in the 1744 in the Netherlands, refined in 1812 in Germany, and then revised again in America in the 1900’s. This method doesn’t take into account the fact that not every woman has a 28-day menstrual cycle, that ovulation can occur earlier or later in a cycle, or that implantation time can vary.


Even if you’re aware that going past your estimated due date is normal, it can still be frustrating to be “overdue.” You might be feeling uncomfortable, as your baby is nearly his or her full size and pressing on both your ribs and your bladder at the same time. You might not be getting much sleep, as you wake up several times a night to pee, or you just can’t find a comfortable position to lay in. 

It can be especially frustrating when your family and friends view your estimated due date as an expiration date, and bombard you with texts and phone calls.
When’s the baby coming? You haven’t given birth yet?! When are you getting induced? You look ready to explode!!!

These comments and inquiries are NOT helpful.
​
So if you find yourself pregnant at 40+ weeks, here is what to do when you are "overdue:"


1. Assume that you will go to 42 weeks. The mind is a powerful tool. Neuroscientist Robb Rutledge studies human happiness and developed a complex equation to predict happiness in a given situation. According to this New York Times article on his work, “How happy you are depends in large part on your expectations.” So if you expect your pregnancy to go past your estimated due date, you are less likely to be upset or frustrated when the bun in your oven needs a little more time to bake. And if your labor begins near or before your estimated due date, you may be pleasantly surprised.​

2. Tell your family and friends that your due date is actually two weeks later. Granted, this is an extreme measure. And if you’ve already announced your estimated due date to your family, to your co-workers, and on social media, it may be ineffective. Just know that there are other ways to share your good news in early pregnancy. You can announce that you are expecting a baby “in October,” or “late fall,” as previous generations once did. If this isn’t your first rodeo, and you experienced the barrage of inquiries with your first baby, then fudging that due date might not sound like a crazy idea after all.

3. Indulge. See all the movies you won’t be able to go see when your baby is here. Take all the naps. Go out to a fancy restaurant, or any restaurant that doesn’t have a kids menu. Get your nails done. Get a massage. Catch up on that show on Netflix you’ve been meaning to watch. Do whatever you want to do, while you have the time and energy to do it. It may be a while before you are in charge of your schedule again, so take charge of it while you can.

4. Take time to savor these last few days with your older kid(s). Taking care of other kids can be exhausting when you are pregnant. You just want to lie down for a few minutes, but they are suddenly resisting naps. They may seem more clingy or needy, and you wonder how on earth you will take care of both a toddler and a newborn??
Flip the script. Your little kid will be a big brother or sister in just a few days or weeks. You won’t have as much time to color together, or get on the floor and play with blocks, or take a walk to the park. Hold their little hands, which will seem huge after your new baby is born. Listen to their stories and field their incredible questions. Allow yourself to enjoy your older kid(s) in this moment, because everyone’s life is going to get a little shaken up when the new baby arrives.


5. Devote some time to postpartum planning. We focus so much on pregnancy, the baby shower, decorating the nursery, and the birth, and tend to neglect preparing for the postpartum period. We often think, “It will all work out” and “We’ll manage” without realizing that a little bit of planning can make a world of difference in how we feel after baby is here.

While binge watching A Baby Story, you can:
  • Prepare freezer meals
  • Work with a friend to create a Meal Train
  • Consult a pet trainer to figure out the best ways to introduce your pet to your new baby, and to schedule walks for the first few weeks
  • Create a schedule with close family members and friends about who can come over to help with the baby, or with household tasks
  • Set up a grocery delivery account, like Instacart, so it’s ready when needed
  • Create a list of local resources you may need immediately postpartum, like a pelvic floor therapist, lactation specialist, chiropractor, etc. You can visit my Parent Resources page for some local suggestions
  • Interview and hire a Postpartum Doula to help you make a plan for the first few days/weeks/months after birth, depending on your family’s individual needs

6. Check in with your doula. Your doula can be a great source of informational and emotional support when you find yourself past your due date. If your care provider is bringing up induction as a possibility, your doula can help prepare you for the process, or let you know about possible options or alternatives that you can discuss with your care provider. She will let you know that you are supported, and that she is there if you have questions or need reassurance.
​

7. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a skill that can be honed with practice. To be present in the moment, able to acknowledge and accept your feelings—good and bad— without judgment, you free yourself from allowing your emotions to control you. Being mindful can positively affect the way you live your life in general, but in the world of birth and parenthood, its effects are significant.

In labor, you can use mindfulness to accept the pain and discomfort you are feeling, and then let it go. This can help immensely with labor progress, with how you react to unexpected challenges, and how you end up feeling about your birth experience.

As a parent, you can practice mindfulness while you figure out breastfeeding, when you have to wake up in the middle of the night to attend to your baby, or when your toddler throws a tantrum in the grocery store.

So during pregnancy, as you wait for labor to commence, be mindful of what you are feeling. If you are tired, achy, sick of the constant text messages, fearful, or just ready to have this baby, acknowledge what you feel. Accept it, and let it go. Consider it preparation for your new life as a parent.

​
8. Find the good. What’s good about being “overdue?” Maybe you realize you do get some extra time with your partner as “just the two of us.” Maybe you get to attend that one last social event you weren’t sure you could make. Maybe your best friend from out-of-state will get to be there for the birth, after all. Maybe you know that when labor does start, you will be so thrilled you will welcome contractions instead of fearing them! Find the good in your situation and embrace the wait. 
I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley.
Line up your doula now, so that if you go "overdue," you have the support you need!
Book Your Free Consultation
elevated birth
​Copyright 2018
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The "Should's" of Pregnancy

5/30/2018

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Boise Doula support
In pregnancy and postpartum, you are faced with so many "should's"
I am an avid podcast listener. One of my favorites is a podcast called “Death, Sex & Money.” In one episode, host Anna Sale interviews actress Ellen Burstyn. Ellen shares that now that she is in her eighties, living alone, she has finally allowed herself “Shouldless Days,” days where she does only what she wants to do and nothing she should do. She turns away from the inner critic who faults her for not doing what she should, and instead listens to what she truly wants and needs.

I often think about Ellen Burtstyn’s "Shouldless Days" and think to myself, "Is it easier to do this when you’re in your eighties, without the responsibility of little mouths to feed and hands to hold? Is it easier to do this as a financially successful famous actress, living alone in a lofty New York apartment?"

And my answer is, "Of course!"

But that doesn’t mean that we need let the “should’s” dictate everything in life. By choosing to not act from a “should” mentality in every instance, you allow room for self-compassion, a turn to joy, and you prioritize self care.

Just stopping to question the “should” helps you to decide what to keep and what to let go. Sometimes you agree with the “should.” It aligns with your core values. You begin to edit out the unnecessary, the harmful, the confusion, and the waste that does not serve you and your family.

There are many opportunities to practice this in pregnancy and postpartum. You are faced with so many “should’s.” With a new tiny human to prepare for and care for, the stakes seem even higher on figuring out what you should do.

Should I birth in the hospital?
Should I find out my baby’s sex?
Should I get genetic testing?
Should I get an epidural?
Should my mother-in-law get to be in the room when I give birth?
Should we circumcise our son?
Should we host visitors after the baby is born?
Should I be able to keep the house clean?
Should we co-sleep?
Should I introduce a bottle?
Should I go back to work?
Should my baby be sleeping through the night by now?
Should I be back to my pre-baby weight?

To be truthful, the “should’s” never end. Whether you are expecting a baby, have a newborn, a toddler, or a teenager, there will always be someone (maybe yourself), telling you what you should do in any given situation.

Before you automatically oblige, pause. Are you also listening to the voice of self-compassion? Are you taking care of your own needs, as well those of your baby and family? Are you making room for joy? Do you need help? Do you need more information? Is there another way? What does your intuition tell you? 

Amidst leaking breasts, a non-stop nursing baby, a clingy toddler, and a pile of laundry, if you can’t swing a Shouldless Day, try a shouldless pause. A breath. A chance to let go of what doesn’t serve you. A turn to what brings you joy, even a trace.

Maybe it's advocating for yourself in labor. Maybe it's saying "no" to a visitor. Maybe it's ordering pizza that night so you can sleep a little bit longer with your baby. Maybe it's asking someone else to bring the meal. 

Question the "should's." Listen to what answers follow.
I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley.
​What "should's" are you facing in pregnancy? How can I help?
Let's Talk!
elevated birth
Copyright 2018
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What this Doula Wants You to Know - Part II

5/2/2018

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Treasure Valley Postpartum Doula Support
Image by Oleg Sergeichik via Unsplash
This is a two-part series. Look for the first part in my previous post:
What this Doula Wants You to Know About Birth

What this Doula Wants You to Know About Postpartum

1. The postpartum period is underestimated. Many people focus on the birth of their baby, choosing a care provider, a birth place, and making a birth plan. These are important endeavors, and require adequate research and planning. Yet often little consideration is given to the specifics of how life will function after the baby is here. Researching options for baby gear, registering for diapers and essentials, and choosing a pediatrician is only part of what you need to decide. Just as you need to determine who will take care of your house, older children, pets, work commitments, etc. before and during your birth, these needs will continue and perhaps be more difficult to meet when your baby is earthside. Factor in the need for physical healing, dramatic hormonal changes, and caring for your baby-- all with limited sleep-- you may realize that you need much more help than you planned for. Making a postpartum plan during pregnancy can help prepare you, your partner, and extended support system to meet the needs of the entire household after the birth.

2. Your body may take longer to heal than six weeks. There is a popular meme circulating on social media that pictures a paper dinner plate. That dinner plate represents the size of the wound in your uterus where your placenta was attached. I admit, as the mother of two kids and a trained doula, I had never considered the size of the wound inside my body after birth. It's a powerful visual. If that wound was on the outside of your body, no one-- including yourself-- would expect you to do much for several weeks after birth.
Postpartum Healing Placenta Wound
If your birth was physically difficult, you had tearing that required stitches, complications, a high-intervention birth, or a Cesarean birth, your body may take even longer to heal. In the immediate postpartum you may experience vaginal soreness, pain while urinating, difficulty pooping, heavy bleeding, contractions as your uterus shrinks back down to its pre-pregnancy size, sore breasts from learning to breastfeed, irritation or pain from your Cesearan incision site, swelling, profuse sweating,  and a host of other physical discomforts. 

Your care provider may "clear you" at six or eight weeks, but your body may need more time. You may not be ready for intercourse, work, chores, or outings. You may need more periods of rest, even if you feel physically better. You may need additional treatment, like physical therapy. 
Accept that your body went through a LOT, and allow yourself the time and grace to heal.

3. Be proactive with lactation support. If you choose to breastfeed, know that it can be difficult to get started. Taking a breastfeeding class in pregnancy is a good idea, but it may still confusing to implement what you learned when baby is actually at your breast. Add in hormonal changes, a baby that needs to eat, and conflicting advice from those trying to help you, and you have a recipe for anxiety and unnecessary stress. Seek out the support of a postpartum doula or lactation specialist early in the postpartum period to get you off to a good start. Any issues outside of normal may be more easily identified and addressed. If needed, referral to an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) can be made. 

Two IBCLC's in the Treasure Valley I refer clients to are Melanie Henstrom at Baby Bonds and Lynnelle King at Family Seasons, LLC.


4. Pelvic floor therapy is a no-brainer.  Pregnancy and childbirth do a number on our pelvic floor muscles. Complications include urinary and fecal incontinence, uterine prolapse, pubic symphysis pain, diastasic recti, and more. In France, postpartum pelvic floor therapy is standard care. In the United States, it is not, and unresolved injury can be left untreated, causing years of pain, discomfort, and embarrassment. Check out my blog post all about the pelvic floor.

Seeing a pelvic floor specialist in pregnancy can set you up for easier care after your baby is born, or even prevent issues postpartum. In the Treasure Valley, pelvic floor therapy is now even easier to obtain, with the launch of Treasure Valley Pelvic Health, a mobile pelvic therapy provider who will come to you. Your first visit is 20% off in the month of May.


5. Your emotional and mental health needs as just as much attention as your physical health. Postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD) affect 15-20% of women. These include postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum panic disorder, postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and rarely, postpartum psychosis.  Educating yourself, your partner, and close family and friends in pregnancy about the signs of these disorders can help to identify them and get treatment as soon as possible.

​Even just noticing that you feel "off," and "not yourself," can be enough proof to seek out an evaluation from your care provider. Don't discount (or let others discount) the effects of a traumatic or disappointing birth experience on your emotional health, either.

Resources to begin to seek out help include Postpartum Support International (PSI) at www.postpartum.net, your care provider, or local mental health professionals with experience in treating PMAD's. You can find a recommended list of providers on my Parent Resources page.

Even if you don't suffer from a PMAD, you may feel overly tired, stressed out, emotional, sad,  disappointed, discouraged, or down at times. A healthy and committed support system that allows you to rest, heal, eat well, and focus on little more than you and your new baby can maximize your chances for a positive postpartum transition. Postpartum doulas can play an important role for those without a strong support system, or those who want or need extra support as they transition to life with a newborn.

By planning for the postpartum period, building a robust support system, and taking advantage of local resources, you can start off on your new parenting journey from a place of confidence and strength. Everyone benefits from a healthy mother or birthing parent-- your baby, your partner, and you especially.

I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Meridian, Eagle, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley. How can I help you plan for your postpartum?
Learn About Postpartum Doula Services
elevated birth
Copyright 2018
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What this Doula Wants You to Know - Part I

4/18/2018

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Find a birth doula in Boise Idaho
Image by Ryan Franco via Unsplash
This is a two-part series. Look for the next part coming soon: 
​What this Doula Wants You to Know About Postpartum

What this Doula Wants You to Know About Birth

1. The way you give birth matters. If the way you give birth matters to you, then it matters. Period. I don't have an agenda and I am not going to tell you what's the best way for you to have your baby. But I know that you may have an idea of what's best for you, and so what is important to you in your birth is what becomes important to me.

2. Who you choose as your care provider matters. If you have opinions on how you want to give birth, make sure your care provider is familiar with your choices, and supports them. Ask them early on in appointments how they will support your choices. Ask the why, the how, and the when. If you aren’t satisfied with their answers, you may want to look for a provider more aligned with your preferences.  If you come to form your opinions on birth later in pregnancy, or you change your preferences, that's a common occurrence.   It’s rarely “too late” to get a second opinion or find someone more suited to the kind of birth you want. There are a wide variety of providers here in the Treasure Valley and it's likely you can find someone who is supportive of your goals.

3. Your emotional health is as important as your physical health. Childbirth is a normal, natural event, but it’s not without its complications and risks. Your care provider, family, and friends may be focused on the physical health of you and your baby, but know that how you feel about your birth can also have a lasting impact on your overall well being. It may impact how you interact and care for your baby as well. You are likely to feel positively about your birth if you:
  • Are informed about your options and your questions are answered to your satisfaction
  • Feel supported in your choices
  • Have people around you that care about your feelings
  • Get help when you need or ask for it
  • Feel like you are listened to and respected
  • Are treated well by the staff and members of your birth team

4. Your partner’s experience matters. When your partner is well supported, you will benefit. Your partner could be anxious about seeing you in pain, or could feel lost on how to best help you. They could be tired or hungry, and unable to attend to you in the way you need. When we work together in pregnancy, you are both prepared on what to expect. Pressure on your partner is relieved because you know that I will be there to fill in the gaps so that both of you can approach birth with confidence.
​
5. Your birth story is your own. What happened during your birth, how your baby was ultimately born, the choices you made during pregnancy and labor— these facts can’t explain the complexity of emotions, circumstances, history, physiology, and timing that became your birth story. You are not the same as everyone else who had an epidural, or Cesarean, or went unmedicated, or had a long labor, or gave birth at home. Your partner, doula, family member or care provider may have their own take on how the story went, and that’s okay, too. You can take in their perspectives, but only you know how you felt in the moment. Your experience is valid.
​
6. I believe in you. I believe in your body’s ability to birth your baby. I believe that you are strong, capable, and fierce. Even when you may not feel that way, when you are feeling vulnerable and scared, know that I believe in you.

I really mean this. Birth has a way of wiping out all pretense, all the social barriers and pleasantries we use to protect ourselves in the world fall away. What remains is this raw, emotional state is strength and love and beauty. 
With every contraction I am witnessing your power. With every difficult decision, I see your concern and love for yourself and your baby. I am in awe of you. I am on your side.

I am a certified labor doula and professional postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Meridian, Eagle, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley. Let's talk about how I can best support you in your birth.
Learn About Birth Support Services
elevated birth
​Copyright 2018
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Body Positive, Birth Positive

3/13/2018

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Boise birth doula
She's got the neck support down!
Find a doula in Boise IdahoPhoto by: Marcos Moraes
As a doula, my kids are exposed to a lot of Birth talk. They ask questions about what I do, but I don't always know how much they have retained. Then one day over a year ago we were driving around and I heard the following exchange between my then 9 year old son and 6 year old daughter:

Daughter: A baby can come out of the woman's vagina or they can cut it out of the mom's belly.
Son: You mean a C-Section. Or, what's that other word, Mom?
Me: A Cesarean.
Son: Yeah, a Cesarean. But usually vaginal is better for the mom and the baby because the Cesarean is major surgery.
Daughter: Yeah, I'm going to have my babies born through my vagina.

The conversation didn't go much further than that. What struck me at the time was how comfortable they were with talking about birth, vaginal or otherwise. Perhaps because of what I do, in our family we make a point to use proper names for body parts; the vagina is different from the cervix and the vulva. The baby grows in a "belly," but they know that it's actually in the uterus.

The comfort my husband and I share regarding the facts and process of birth, has led us to share information about sex and development in an age-appropriate way with that same level of comfort. Recently I accompanied my son to a school-facilitated boys' puberty class. There were the expected dramatics-- giggles, groans, and feigned screams of horror at the mention of a girl's period-- but the factual manner in which my son absorbed the material made space for more than the facts. Because this information was not new to him,  extended conversations about feelings and expectations of his own development were possible. 

My daughter has added "doula or midwife" to her list of what she wants to be 
when she grows up (along with professional soccer player, teacher, and puppy rescuer). She asks a lot of birth-related questions, usually during bath time or right before bed. She asks, and I answer factually. If she asks further, we go further. Aside from facts, our conversations have gone deeper than I would have ever imagined at this age. One day she asked, "What if the woman wants to have sex but the man doesn't?" Internally giggling, I answered, "Both people need to want to have sex or else sex doesn't happen." Just like that, we began a rudimentary conversation about consent. 

Birth creates an opportunity to have these conversations, with our own kids, and with ourselves. Many of us did not grow up in households where sex or birth were discussed as normal events, or they weren't discussed at all. If birth was discussed, it was in negative terms, focused on pain, or bad moods, or absent and neglectful partners, or complications. Instead of pain and shame, we need to hear stories of perseverance and pride. 

It's normal and common to poop during pushing? Maybe we can let go of anxiety around that. The muscles of the vagina and pelvic floor stretch for birth? Maybe we can stop worrying about our vagina "never being the same." You had a 3/12/24/48 hour labor that ended in unmedicated vaginal/emergency Cesarean birth? Maybe we can praise ourselves for facing our fears and challenges to the best of our abilities, and let go of the rest.

Our views of our own bodies can affect the way we give birth. We might consider birthing in a different way than our parents or friends. We may take more care in choosing a care provider that respects our preferences for birth, who values and practices informed consent with their patients. Our relationships may be strengthened through pregnancy and birth, as we marvel in the bodies of our partners and their role in creating new life.

The kids we raise will benefit from our positive feelings about our bodies and our births. The child exposed to breastfeeding as a normal, non-shameful way to feed a baby may have an easier time in her own breastfeeding journey, or may be more supportive to a future breast-feeding partner. 

When we know what our bodies can do, we take ownership of our births. 

Birth is normalized. Shame loses its power. 

When we are body positive, we can positively birth.

elevated birth
Copyright 2018
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Birth is Better Here!

2/22/2018

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Boise birth doula
What a gorgeous place to birth a baby!
Whether you grew up here or are a recent transplant, if you are expecting a baby in the Treasure Valley, you've picked a great place to procreate. Here's a list of reasons why:

1. Midwives Abound
​ Choosing a midwife as the primary care provider in pregnancy is a choice more and more people are making for their low-risk pregnancies. Midwives view birth as a normal life event, and tend to minimize interventions. Their care is more holistic, incorporating factors like nutrition and the social and psychological health of their patients alongside physical care. Midwives attend home births, births at freestanding birth centers, and in some hospitals.

In Idaho, all midwives are licensed by the state. They can be Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM), registered nurses with graduate education in midwifery, or Certified Professional Midwives (CPM), who are trained through a formal education program or through an apprenticeship. CPM's must pass a national certification exam. In the Treasure Valley, both types of midwives can be found practicing in a variety of venues. There are independent, traveling midwives who primarily focus on home births. There are those who see patients at birth centers, and either attend births there or at patients' homes. And within both major hospitals systems in the Valley, St. Luke's and St. Alphonsus, there are teams of Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM's) who work alongside obstetricians in the labor and delivery wards.

Midwifery and/or home birth is illegal in several states. In other states, poorly-defined or restrictive laws discourage midwives from practicing for fear of prosecution. Even in states where midwifery is legal and regulated, midwives are few in number, or not an option in local hospitals. The abundance of midwives in the Treasure Valley, and the variety of venues and patients they service, is impressive for a population of just under 700,000.
​
2. A Choice in Birth Centers
The Treasure Valley has four freestanding birth centers. FOUR! To put this number into perspective, the South Bay region of Los Angeles, which has roughly the same population as the Treasure Valley, has ZERO freestanding birth centers. You would have to travel in LA traffic for at least 30 minutes (double that in rush hour traffic) to get to the nearest birth center.

Not in the Treasure Valley! From Nampa to Meridian to Boise, you can opt for that middle ground between home birth and hospital birth and have plenty of options to choose from:
Boise
  • Mercy Birth Center http://www.mercybirthcenter.com
  • Treasure Valley Midwives https://treasurevalleymidwives.com
Eagle
  • Boise River Birth Center & Women's Health https://www.boisebirthcenter.com​
Meridian
  • New Beginnings Birth Center http://www.newbeginningsbirthcenter.com

3. The Valley's Hospitals are Growing and Innovating
Maternity services are offered at several locations in the Valley. Family-centered care and patient choice is a focus at the major hospitals.

St. Luke's offers maternity care in Downtown Boise, Meridian, and Nampa. The Nampa hospital is brand new, and offers specially designed family suites, with large labor tubs, refrigerators, and plenty of room for family. Especially innovative is the fact that several of these suites are NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) rooms, the first of their kind in the Northwest.

St. Alphonsus offers maternity care in Boise and Nampa. The Boise campus boasts a level III NICU, the highest level of neonatal care in Idaho. Its Nampa hospital is also brand new, growing to meet the demands of the Valley's expanding population.

In Caldwell, West Valley Medical Center offers family suites with king sized beds. There is no minimum age for visitors, so younger members of the family can get the opportunity to meet and bond with new babies before they get home. West Valley opened a brand new NICU last fall as well.

4. A Doula for Everyone
The community of doulas in the Valley is growing and thriving. As more people discover doulas, and the important role they play in supporting birth, there has been an increase in their demand. Different doulas service different segments of the population; depending on your specific needs, you can find a doula that aligns with your personality, values, and budget.

Doula associations and partnerships foster cooperation within the doula community, and strengthen and elevate the profession. I am a proud member of the following local doula organizations:
  • Treasure Valley Doulas http://www.treasurevalleydoulas.com
  • Idaho Doula Associates https://www.idahodoulas.com​

4. Finding your People
When illness reaches your family, whether you reach for the elderberry syrup or the Sudafed, there is a group for you. The Treasure Valley offers many different online forums and in-person meet-up groups to help you navigate the world of pregnancy and parenting in a way that speaks to you.

New to the area is Building Villages ​https://www.buildingvillages.org, an organization focused on early childhood development and parent support. Their pilot program for parents of newborns is launching next month. Meeting in Meridian or Boise, the Newborn Groups will meet for 10 weeks and will focus on the practicalities of raising a newborn and parent self-care, and will provide its participants with an opportunity to meet other new parents and build community. For more information, visit https://www.buildingvillages.org/newborn-groups/

5. Just Look Around You
In so many parts of the country, kids just don't play outside anymore. In the Treasure Valley, it's hard NOT to get outside. From the river, to the foothills, to the plentiful parks, this is an easy place to expose your baby to sunshine and fresh air. Getting out in nature is good for your own health and wellness, too.

Birth (and life) is better here!
I am a certified labor doula (birth doula) and postpartum doula serving clients in Boise, Eagle, Meridian, Nampa, and the greater Treasure Valley. 
​How can I help you have a better birth? Let's talk!
Contact Me
elevated birth
Copyright 2018
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    Doula Raquel

    I've worked in the forest, in the lab, and in an office cubicle. My favorite and most passionate work has been alongside clients as they reach inside to find their innermost strength, and give birth to their babies. Each birth is an honor to witness.

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"Five stars aren't enough - Raquel is incredible! She made sure that I was informed and comfortable with all of the decisions made both before and during labor. She's an excellent resource for information, and she respected every decision that I made along the way . . . I am so grateful that she was there for me through labor and delivery (and my husband is too!). If we have another baby, she'll be my number one choice of doula." - Alex H.

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